I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
