so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
