I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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