Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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