is your mom at the bar?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
