note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
