I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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