Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
