Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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