I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
