There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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