Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
