My first STD was from a foam party
Please, let me fuck your mom
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
