butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
