i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
