hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
