I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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