Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
