if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
