why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
