margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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