i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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