are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
