Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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