Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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