I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
