Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
