Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
