just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
