Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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