Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
