some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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