im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Panties = found
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
