I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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