The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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