Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
