I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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