so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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