i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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