Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
