you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
