well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
