His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You're like the curious george of whores
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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