What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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