I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
