A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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