the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
