I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
