dude i'm inner monologue high
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
