you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
