you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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