there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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