are you still at the devil's house?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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