the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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